i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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