Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
