Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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