a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
