you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
