If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
