nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
