On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
