Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I could fuck to npr.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
