She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
