There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
