he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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