So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Houston, we have a squirter
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
