Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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