how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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