Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
