FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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