hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
