I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
