Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
