I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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