Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
