just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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