Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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