The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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