her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
