Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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