I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we're making bets on your personal life
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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