he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
