I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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