New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
