I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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