Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
