He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
