how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
