Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
