Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
