I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
