His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
