I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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