u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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