"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
