How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have so many feelings about this burrito
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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