Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
