she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
