drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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