So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
