Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
