OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
