Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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