I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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