I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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